Acting on a tip from lawyer Gorgeous Kate's T-Back, a search team composed of high school batch mates was hastily formed; the mission: to search for former classmate Red-hen A-Okay (code name Red Dragon) who, according to Gorgeous, was afflicted with muscular dystrophy, a debilitating disease that tightens muscles, tendons and ligaments particularly in joint areas, rendering the victim in a painful state of immobility, in pitiful deformity.
10:30 a.m., April 23, a Saturday, the hunters: bank manager Medley Crossroads (nee Castle House), college professor Asserin Acacia (nee Caviar), NEDA hotshot Voltron Voldemort (aka Double Dork), and professional hairdresser Vanessa Longhair (aka Mama Hmm-Hmm) converged at San Sebastian Cathedral armed with the firm resolve to find Red-hen, assess his condition, report the findings to the rest of the class, and plan ways and means to help him out. The group last saw Red-hen on their graduation day 15 years ago; him with a short, frail body, bulging eyes hidden behind binocular-like eyeglasses, and a peculiar gait that appeared as if an invisible rope was permanently tied to his hip and pulled by an invisible mule, propelling him forward – hip first.
Needless to say, the hunters were prepared to witness the worst.
1st destination: Red-hen’s last known address somewhere in between Tagumpay and MS Supermarkets. The group was able to locate the house, which was Red-hen’s home for some years, only to find out from her aunt that the subject no longer lived there. Pressed for more information, she only divulged that Red-hen now lived in Granja but refused to reveal how he was. Red-hen’s aunt looked uncomfortable talking with the group, as if she was hoping that the truth will never be discovered.
The group grew more anxious and more convinced that they should find Red-hen A-Okay the soonest. Fortunately, an elderly Barangay Kagawad who overheard the group’s conversation with the aunt came forward and volunteered to accompany them to where Red-hen had relocated. Not wanting to inconvenience the old man, the hunters declined (a decision that the group will eventually regret). Instead, Voltron simply asked the old man for directions to Red-hen’s whereabouts.
The hunters eagerly proceeded to Granja. Voltron, the driver of the group, perhaps drained by his brain-sapping work at NEDA and weighed down by the thought of seeing Red-hen sick, remembered only that Red-hen’s house was along the first intersection after the Ala Eh T-shirt shop. And so the group alit there, split into two groups and proceeded to look for Red-hen, house to house. With sweat marks forming on everyone’s shirt, the group regathered and came to the conclusion that Red-hen was nowhere to be found.
Then Medley remembered a key piece of information which she overheard (it pays to have a bigger than usual pair of ears) -- the old Kagawad said something about Magarbo, a well-known personality in the area and who might be the critical link to Red-hen. The group hopped back to the car in search for the mysterious “Magarbo man”, whom it turned out was a shoemaker who once employed Red-hen’s father. Magarbo, pointed the hunters to the newly renovated Granja Park where somewhere there, behind its perimeter fence, lived the elusive Red-hen.
With racing hearts, the group motored to the back of the Park till the road was no longer wide enough to accommodate Voltron’s car. It was clear then that if they intended to continue the search, it would be on foot. The two lady hunters, who were wearing heeled shoes, gamely treaded the rocky path that might lead them to where Red-hen was. When the group reached the community behind the park, they sensed something was not right – everyone was looking at them with suspicious eyes.
When asked what the reason was for their presence in the area, the group chorused “We are looking for Red-hen A-Okay.” Upon hearing these words, the people in the area began whispering to each other in an urgent tone, as if some name bearing some kind of unworldly powers was mentioned in a not so pleasing fashion. One stocky middle-aged man spoke, “We know no person by that name. Maybe it would be safer for you to just go away and never bother us.” When asked why, the man ended, “It is not your business to talk of things you don’t know!”
Shocked and perplexed at the response of the community to their well-intentioned search, the group silently headed back to the car. Then it dawned on them, with a combined education of at least 60 years (Asserin accounting for about 40 years of the total), no one among them had the common sense to allow the old Barangay Kagawad to accompany them to that mysterious place. Surely, the outcome would have been different had the old man gone with them.
Silently, the group headed back to the car. Inside and on the way to Lipa proper, Madame Hmm-hmm noticed something, or someone very familiar, running gracefully like a gazelle inside the Granja Park – it was someone who resembled Red-hen. It was impossible, Madame Hmm-hmm thought to himself/herself. But as he/she trained his/her eyes on the moving figure, it began to look more and more like Red-hen, his better and much more athletic version. Not able to contain his/her excitement at the apparition, he/she pointed the figure to Medley and Asserin, who were just as amazed and shocked as he/she was. “How can it be?” they exclaimed. Voltron, curious about the commotion but not able to look at the being and the road at the same time, screeched the car to a stop.
Wide-eyed and with jaws on the ground, the group stared as the figure nimbly jogged his way around the park. Holding their curiosity no more, the group piled out of the car and excitedly rushed to where the figure was, who by then had stopped to do some stretching exercises. Hidden behind a bush some ten meters from Red-hen, the group looked like a bunch of crouching tigers ogling a hidden dragon.
And there he was, the Red-hen that no one knew. He grew a few inches taller. Gone was his frail frame, instead his built was lean, sinewy and well developed – like a coiled spring ready to be unleashed any moment. Apart from slightly thinning hair, Red-hen was charmingly handsome. His cheeks were full and rosy and blue contact lenses were in place of his thick spectacles. “Red-hen, is that you? I can’t believe you have such strong, sexy legs,” Asserin flirtingly gushed as she unconsciously tucked her hair behind her ear with her fingers, revealing an orange gumamela she recently picked from the shrub.
Surprised upon hearing Asserin’s melodic voice and the group’s sudden emergence in front of him, Red-hen studied their faces before letting out an enigmatic smile revealing a perfect set of teeth that would make any toothpaste commercial model green with envy. The group was elated for Red-hen recognized them. “It’s been so long that I have been called by that name. They call me Simply Red around here.” But the elation was short-lived. Red-hen was obviously excited to see his former classmates, but he was also evasive, answering questions in short bursts: Married. Two children. Instructor, physical education. The meeting ended as quickly as it began as Red-Hen excused himself, jogging away from the group.
The group was in utter disbelief as they headed back to the car, happy but disappointed. It was almost noon and their stomachs were grumbling for sustenance. And so the generous Medley volunteered to treat the group to lunch at Lipa Grill if only to clear the cobwebs of this most surprising experience.
With their stomachs filled and their thirst quenched, the group began to think more clearly. In their analysis of what transpired, they came to two important conclusions. First, some things are not what they seem to be. And second, never ever trust information from a lawyer.
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