So let me write again

A few hours after Nanay passed away late October of last year, I began tapping on the laptop, wanting to capture my thoughts and emotions in a story that I planned to share here in my blog.  But I couldn’t write.  And ever since that fateful day, I stayed away from writing about what I was feeling or thinking (except for the 2 required graduate school papers that I decided to post).  I was devoid of the drive to share what I was going through.  There are things that I wanted to keep for myself.

I’ve always thought that something dramatic would happen and I would be inspired and spurred to write again.  And that the first article I would do would be about Nanay. 

This isn’t.

It’s not that life has stopped moving, or that I don’t have anything interesting to write about.  In fact, I had a lot of materials that I could have easily developed into interesting reads had I been in my element.

I had my first day of graduate school 5 days after we buried Nanay.  I was in an emotional rollercoaster that day – happy, sad, proud, dismayed, excited, and forlorn – but I still couldn’t write.

We had Nanay’s Siyaman and Padasal and I was moved to tears because more stories of Nanay’s unselfishness and life were shared by her friends.  That was not enough to make me write.

I shared a jeepney ride with a very pretty colegiala who was casually dressed in a simple shirt and denim pants, with her hair gathered in a ponytail.  She was not wearing makeup but I could tell from her skin, poise and bearing that she was from a well-to-do family:  “Na aircon-an at napainom ng vitamins nung bata,” as I would like to describe such individuals.  When she was about to alight at Ateneo, I noticed that she was wearing a pair of slippers with the word “Havana” clearly embossed on its straps.  I found another shining example of how simplicity is beautiful.  But still I couldn’t write.

I had an epic wipeout on my bike and I had a partially dislocated shoulder, bruised rib cage, bloodied knees and elbows, and hematoma and scratches all over my back.  And this happened on my Nanay’s 40^th day, which coincided with my wife’s birthday.  Though she was visibly shaken and angry upon seeing me, I did not get a dressing down.  She only spoke a few words as she cleaned my wounds and tended to my battered body.   She never told me to give up biking, as I feared.  It showed how much she loved and understood me.  It was such a poignant moment, worthy of an MMK episode.  But it was not dramatic enough to make me write.

We watched Sting live and I was in a sublime state of euphoria; he is after all one of the few performers that I consider as a true artist, whose music and voice is distinctly his.  But no amount of a-do-do and a-da-da could make me write.

The cold season came and along with it the onset of local honey bee’s annual swarming activities where colonies hatch new queens to start a new family somewhere.  I caught the first bee swarm of the season and I once again experienced the thrill and excitement of catching a swarm, the sense of fulfillment of providing thousands of homeless bees a new home, and not to mention that sense of danger that clambering up high in a tree can bring (My biking injuries did not help). I have a new addition to my growing “bee farm” but still I wouldn’t write about it.

My very first graduate school paper was adjudged best in class and it was a rather surprising and somewhat embarrassing moment for me because my name and academic excellence were rarely mentioned in the same sentence before.  If they have been, I’m pretty sure “not” was used to qualify the connection.  And yet still I couldn’t write.

Amidst the revelry of the UP Lantern Parade, I was moved to tears by a group of peasants and farmers from Casiguran, Quezon who were asking that their land, the same one that they and their ancestors have lived in and tilled for generations, be awarded to them and not signed over to a group of rich investors.  I was not moved enough to write.

My blog hit its first anniversary and it should have been a big deal; after all I have posted 80 articles, resulting into 16,000 page views (The hits over the last few months though were slow because of my inactivity).  Instead that special date, just like a special day for someone that I don’t personally know, passed by unnoticed and uncelebrated.  I couldn’t write about something that I didn’t know was happening.

We spent Christmas in Pangasinan, the first in at least two decades, and the first ever without Nanay.  It was happy and sad, and memorable and different.  The more I did not want to write.

But now I am writing.  Again.

What happened you may ask.  Nothing.  No dramatic moments and eye-openers.  No epiphanies or miraculous floating on air stuff.  I just want to write again.  I am not sure though if I can write about Nanay.  I would when I’m good and ready.  But for now, I will write again.  I am just following the advice of NBA coaches when good shooters are stuck in a shooting funk:  Keep shooting until you see your shot go in.  So I’m writing again, till I see what I am not looking for – which would be a good material for this blog.  Hopefully, I’ll be back in my groove.

Thank you for reading.  Again.

How adults become adults in a developed country

A REACTION PAPER ON A STUDY ENTITLED

Employment, Sense of Coherence, and Identity Formation: Contextual and Psychological Processes on

the Pathway to Sense of Adulthood

By Koen Luyckx, Seth J. Shwartz, Luc Goossens and Sophie Pollock

Written by

Marcial I. Enginco

Submitted to

Grace Koo, PhD

Professor, EDFD 210

Human Development and Learning

University of the Philippines Diliman

College of Education

SUMMARY

Emerging adulthood is a human developmental stage that Jeffrey Arnett suggests exists between the teenage years and adulthood, from 18 – 30 years of age.  This period, according to Arnett, became prominent only in the last 50 years as a consequence of the rapid development in western countries characterized by a boom in education, rapid advancements in technology and the subsequent flourishing of new industries.  These factors resulted into a limitless array of new opportunities and possibilities for young adults, on top of the traditional roles and careers that were already available to them.  Arnett thus aptly describes this stage as an age of exploration, instability and possibilities.

This study conducted by Luyckx, et al seeks to explain how key contextual conditions and psychological processes relate to an emerging adult’s transition to adulthood.  Luyckx and company gathered a total of 317 respondents aged 18 to 30, 143 of which are college students, and 174 are already part of the workforce.  They were made to answer a questionnaire that measured, among others, how: they classified themselves as adults, identified with commitment, and explored their environment for potential commitments.

The objective of the study was to test the following hypotheses:

A.      That being employed, as contrasted with attending college, and scoring high on Sense of Coherence (SOC) would positively relate to achieving a sense of adulthood;

B.      That being employed, as contrasted with attending college, would positively relate to commitment making and negatively to exploration dimensions;

C.      That those who perceived themselves as adults would score higher than those who did not perceive themselves as such in commitment making and identification with commitment, and those who did not perceive themselves as full-fledged adults would score higher than those who did on exploration dimensions, and that enactment of identity commitments would be the most important identity process mediating the pathway from both independent variables to sense of adulthood, and;

D.      That the original direct paths from college versus employment and from SOC to sense of adulthood would be substantially reduced when including identity dimensions as mediating variables.

The study revealed that college-attending emerging adults scored higher on the exploration dimensions and lower on commitment making and sense of adulthood than working emerging adults.  Likewise, respondents who classified themselves as adults scored higher on SOC and identification commitment but lower on ruminative exploration than those who did not.  In the area of commitment making and sense of adulthood, those who say they are adults scored significantly higher those who stated that they had reached adulthood in some respects but not in others.  The latter in turn had significantly higher scores than those who claimed they had not reached adulthood at all.

The study has also affirmed, as previous studies did, that commitment making and commitment identification are interrelated.  These dimensions are also positively related to exploration in breadth and depth but negatively related to ruminative exploration.  The SOC was positively related to both commitment dimensions and negatively to ruminative exploration.  Meanwhile, sense of adulthood was positively related to SOC and to the commitment dimensions, but negatively to ruminative exploration.

NEW LEARNINGS

Adulthood is a destination that every normal and capable individual must reach at some point in his life.  However, there exists no standard procedure or timetable to activate and actualize such progression.  Those who are thrust into adult roles (through pregnancy, marriage, death of head/s of a family) early in their lives get to it – albeit forced -- faster, while some are mired or, should I say, processed by circumstances, events and situations that result in the delayed onset of adulthood.  On the other hand, an unfortunate few are, for some reason, not inclined to get there at all.

In many societies the commonly accepted legal age, and what many subscribe to as the marker for adulthood, is pegged at 18.  At this age one may already vote, get a valid driver’s license, go to movies with sensitive content, and is expected to generally behave like an adult who can and will arrive at sound decisions especially where important life-matters are concerned; failure to do so would mean that the person is either immature, irresponsible, or both.   While turning 18 does open the gate for many adult activities, responsibilities and privileges, expecting the emerging adult to behave accordingly is rather unfair and unrealistic as the results of this study clearly show that it is not the individual’s age but rather his willingness to commit to traditional adult roles (marriage, child rearing, financial independence) that gives him a firm sense of coherence about his adulthood.

The study also underscores the role of the socio-economic environment in determining the rate by which an emerging adult will develop into a mature individual.  Arnett observed that the emerging adulthood stage is more pronounced in more advanced environments.  Hence, highly industrialized countries such as Belgium offer emerging adults with a host of opportunities and options in terms of professional and personal growth that may not necessarily be available to their counterparts in lesser developed countries such as the Philippines where adult commitments such as marriage, choice of career or family stewardship often become a matter of course, not of choice.   Thus, emerging adults in wealthier countries tend to enjoy a longer maturation period, helped along by a society that leaves more room for the hesitation and exploration that characterize this period of identity formation.  It is no wonder then that a significant number of respondents who considered themselves as adults are already into their late 20s and early 30s; most of them have securely committed themselves to marriage and/or a parent role, and have a steady source of employment that leads to financial independence. 

This finding, I suspect, will be met with incredulity, and perhaps a tinge of sarcasm by Filipinos whose average marrying age is between 22 – 25 (as compared to 32 – 35 for Belgians), and who are accustomed to pushing children to assume adult roles as early as possible (e.g., elder children are trained to act as second parents and providers, constant use of elder tags such as Kuya, Ate, Ninong, Ninang, etc). However, as the country continues to make strides in the economic front and with more young adults being exposed to better education and, ergo – opportunities, I believe that it won’t be long before the onset of adulthood and the need to make identity-related commitments, especially marriage, will be set back several years – then, perhaps the concept of emerging adulthood stage may be generally assimilated by Filipinos in their understanding of the maturation process.

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES

The researchers ably built their investigation on the headways made by other psychologists such as J. Arnett who introduced the concept of emerging adulthood, L.J. Nelson and C. M. Barry who used self-classification to identify the distinguishing features of emerging adults, and E. Erikson who as far back as 1968, laid down the framework for identity development. 

The researchers may also be lauded for their meticulous selection of subjects that comprised a balanced dichotomy of points of view between emerging adults in college and those who are from the labor force, culled from a wide cross-section of industries.  Along this line, the researchers even excluded 28 prospective respondents belonging to the workforce sample as they have obtained college degrees, which make them too similar to the college student sample.

But while it is understandable that emerging adults who are neither schooling nor working were excluded from the study, it would be interesting if a parallel study specifically directed at this group was conducted to ascertain their capacity to become full-fledged adults, and the barriers and challenges that they may encounter as they travel their unique path towards adulthood.  I suppose valuable information may be obtained to help integrate this segment to the mainstream of productive society.

Though there is a discrepancy in the economic standing of Belgium and our country, the Philippines, I can observe similarities between the societal makeup of Belgians and Filipinos that should make the findings of the study somewhat applicable and relevant to a Philippine setting, particularly to  the sectors of the society that have been exposed to tertiary education and/or industrial and corporate environments.  According to the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) there is a wide gap in the distribution of wealth among Belgians with the top 20% of the population enjoying income that is 4 times higher than those in the bottom 20% of the social strata.  Further, a large number of emerging Belgian adults still rely on their parents for financial assistance.  In addition, compared with other western countries where emerging adults are expected to move out of their parents’ house once they leave for college, 4 out 5 Belgians under the age of 24 still stay with their parents.  This family orientation I believe plays an integral role in the identity formation of the respondents which reflected in their response to the survey questions.

IMPLICATIONS

It is interesting to note that teenagers announce their transition into early adulthood by fiercely demanding for their independence; insisting that parents or caregivers stay away from their choice of friends, clothes, activities and pursuits.  In their young mind they are doing what they think adults do without realizing that their very act of tentative exploration into the adult world is at the very core of why they are called minors, in age, action and psychological profile.  But as they enter their college years, emerging adults can be caught silly by an overwhelming array of choices, some of which will ultimately define who they are as adults. It is in this critical period of early identity formation that the findings of this study may be used by educators and parents to guide emerging adults as they explore in breadth future directions and, should they find paths that they can identify with, provide support, encouragement and direction until sufficient commitment can be engaged.

Further, the results of this study can help parents better understand the psychological and emotional framework of emerging adults; allowing them to adjust their parenting approach to include motivation, guidance and reasonable tolerance for mistakes and missteps.  And along this line, parents and elders will be better served if they temper their expectations about their child’s seeming lack of maturity and focus despite having turned 18, saving both parties bouts of frustration and frayed nerves.

I am intrigued by the study’s finding that it is committed relationship/s and steady source of income, not acquiring college education, that correlate best with a firm sense of adulthood. This argues that despite mankind’s advancement in technology and societal sophistication, it is still the primal need for man to have the ability to sustain life (to provide and propagate) which makes man and woman feel like an adult.  Having said that, I think, perhaps ambitiously and controversially, that the Philippines’ economic managers with the help of local government units may look into the possibility of using such information to formulate economic policies that promote job generation over standard education in certain areas of the country (such as war torn regions, land designated for indigenous people, and resource-rich but remotely located areas) where instituting and sustaining a high level of education is logistically and financially not feasible.  In which case, I think that rather than using the country’s meager financial resource to build and maintain school facilities that will offer standardized curriculum geared towards college education, it would be more prudent to develop products and/or services that harness the resources and potential of a specific area, supplemented by education focused on functional learning and trainings that will allow the target individuals to become capable and essential players in the growth of their district’s business.  Essentially, what this strategy brings is a steady source of income for individuals to provide for their families.  They may not have acquired high education, but they can sure claim to be adults.

Bullying explained

A REACTION PAPER ON A STUDY ENTITLED

Attachment Quality and Bullying Behavior in School-Aged Youth

By Laura M. Walden and Tanya N. Beran

Written by

Marcial I. Enginco

Submitted to

Grace Koo, PhD

Professor, EDFD 210

Human Development and Learning

University of the Philippines Diliman

College of Education

SUMMARY

The study entitled “Attachment Quality and Bullying Behavior in School-aged Youth” was conducted by Laura M. Walden and Tanya N. Beran to determine the relationship between students’ quality of attachment to their primary caregivers and the frequency with which they bully others and are the victims of bullying.  It covered 105 student respondents from Grade 4, Grade 6 and Grade 8 from a Canadian middle school located in the suburbs.  The respondents were required to submit a consent form signed by their parent or guardian before they were made to accomplish an Inventory of Parent and Peer Attachment (IPPA) questionnaire, which is a self-report instrument designed to measure students’ perceptions of the degree of mutual trust, quality of communication, and the extent of anger and alienation in their current relationships.

The study established that students who reported high-quality attachment with their caregivers are less likely to bully others or be bullied.  Students who reported an insecure relationship with their caregivers have shown the tendency to bully others, particularly those students who have experienced a high level of alienation from their caregivers.

NEW LEARNINGS

Bullying is nothing new.  It has been around since the Pharaohs of Egypt learned to throw their weight around unsuspecting, docile subjects, and stretches even far longer into written and oral history.  In fact, one of the earliest stories in the Bible is about bullying gone bad when Cain, Adam and Eve’s eldest son, bullied and eventually murdered his younger brother Abel, who was the first couple’s favorite.  Bullying, according to psychologists, may escalate into murderous tendencies if not addressed properly.

But as a new graduate student taking Educational Psychology and a former advertising professional with little or no knowledge about facts behind bullying behavior I have to admit that it is my first time to read, or is compelled to read, a research that attempts to explain its relational cause – Attachment Quality. 

Although the scope of the study is localized to a certain demographic sample in suburban Canada, I believe that its core finding carries a universal truth, and that certain results and implications arising from the said study may be applied, in varying degrees and permutations, to different cultures and demography such as ours – a developing nation with its own sets of dynamics in attachment qualities and caregiving conditions.

The study’s chief finding that poor attachment quality may lead a child to become either a bully or the bully victim or, in my case -- both -- is personally compelling and revealing.  While I did look up to my mother as my family’s pillar of strength, she was neither emotionally warm nor physically and verbally demonstrative of her feelings for her children (insecure attachment).  My father, on the other hand, was more demonstrative and vocal but, being an alcoholic, was not someone who engendered trust in a developing child (alienation).  So while I had a semblance of a strong attachment with my mother, the overall quality of my attachment with both my parents can be considered poor, leading me to be what the study suggests: Prone to either being a Bully or the Bullied.

When I was in elementary and high school, classmates who were physically smaller and mentally inferior tended to shy away from me for I was mischievous and habitually pulled off pranks and traps that would put them in either an embarrassing situation, in trouble, or at the butt of further jokes. I pulled away chairs when classmates were about to sit, tugged at the straps of girls’ trainer bras, rigged fights between unsuspecting protagonists, and accomplished many stunts that made victims more wary of my presence, and theirs.  But perhaps the worst form of bullying I did was letting a slow member of our class know how slow she really was.  Once, during a particularly tense class recitation where she was called to perform, I whispered to her a wrong and utterly inane answer that she was reduced to near tears after the class burst out in loud laughter when she finished repeating my misfeed.  She became more timid after that humiliating experience.   However, this did not stop me from doing more of the same to her and other “lesser” classmates.  I am aware that I scarred her for life because I did not see or hear from her after high school.  The only thing I know about her now is that she legally changed her name and moved out of the country, perhaps to start a new life away from the image that I helped mold for her.

But as the Bully Totem Pole goes, I was not on top of the pecking order for outside of my classroom was a physical bully – Julius Yago – who constantly threatened me with mayhem when I was in grade school.  I don’t recall how I became a favorite subject of his menace except that I remember making him look bad in a game of basketball where I was, in my school, considered a star.

He was not able to inflict actual physical harm on me but I do remember the terror I felt when he would loiter outside my classroom and make motions at me to come out as his henchboys tried to look their gangster best – crackling their knuckles and doing some strange stretching exercises as if they were preparing for some brisk action.  I was terrified for my life and I remember experiencing fear-induced fever, numbness and some sleepless nights.  I could not understand nor explain why someone I have no grudge against or ill-feelings for would like to beat me up good, as much as I did not understand and could not explain why I would try with gusto to embarrass and put in ridiculous situations classmates who had done me no wrong.  Belatedly, this study which zeroes in on early child-parent relationship quality partly explains why I, and perhaps Julius Yago, behaved the way we did when we were much younger.

STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES

With a sample size of 105 culled from a school that has basically a homogenous student population, this study can hardly be called extensive or exhaustive.  But what it lacks in breadth it makes up for in depth of purpose, which is to establish a link between the quality of a child’s early relationships with his parents vis-à-vis being a bully or a bully victim. 

I also believe that this study has successfully outlined a general truth that bullying behavior and being its victim is not a phenomenon that begins and ends in school but rather is a foundational flaw in the home that, unfortunately, regularly rears its ugly self in a school environment.

I think the rather small sample size and its homogeneity where respondents are predominantly white and, I suppose, coming from the same social bracket prevents  the results, conclusions, implications and recommendations arising  from the study to be generally applicable in situations where geographic, economic and social demographics vary, e.g. multi-ethnicity environment such as in International Schools, or in an urban locale where population is either dominated by white or black or any given race, as I would like to assume that while the tendency to bully may be inherent in a certain child because of his poor quality attachment values, the opportunity to act on it may be mitigated by other circumstances such as if he finds himself in the minority where  the budding bully may not be able to act on his impulses just as easily if he was in a more superior position, say in a majority.

And while I support the findings that there is a relationship between bullying or being a bully victim with the quality of attachment to primary caregivers, I believe that the Consent Form that the respondents’ parents/caregivers were made to sign to formalize the subjects’ inclusion to the study has somewhat weakened the intensity of the established link.  I think that it is in the nature and interest of a detached and/or uncaring parent/caregiver not to sign the Consent Form especially if it is made clear to him that the quality of his relationship with his child is going to be subject of a study.  Hence, I suspect that there is a greater number of parents/caregivers with poor relationships with their child who did not sign the consent form than those that actually did, thereby diluting the result.  If it was legally and ethically acceptable for the students to respond to the questionnaire mandatorily then I believe that the real score can be obtained.

IMPLICATIONS

For as long as children learn the push and pull, and the zig and zag of the dynamics of human relationships in the microcosm of school, solving the bullying menace is, I think, impossible as it is in the natural process of human development that such situations will inevitably arise when there is prolonged and sustained interaction between individuals of varying degrees of intelligence, strength, physical attributes and economic and social backgrounds.  What this study accomplishes however is that it points school administrators and psychologists in the right direction in better understanding and finding intervention programs that would mitigate the development of behavioral tendencies to bully or to be bullied, and up to a certain degree, limit its occurrence and prevalence in the educational system.

Programs that educate parents of the effects of poorly established relationships at home would be a good starting point, and so is establishing appropriate monitoring and guidance mechanisms for students who have been assessed to have bullying tendencies.  Likewise, teachers and school officials and staff may be instructed to pay more attention to students who have been victims of bullying so that they may be able to reestablish a certain degree of connection and trust with adults that would help them recover their self-esteem and make them less susceptible to bullying tactics.

Closer to home, it is interesting to find out how the results of this study apply to the realities of the Philippines where many families have either one or both parents working abroad; often leaving the caregiving responsibilities to relatives (grandparents, uncles, aunts) who may not be viewed by the child as an authoritative figure but merely as a guardian, or to the eldest child who despite being wanting in quality attachment himself,  takes on the mantle of a father and/or mother figure to younger siblings, or in some cases to househelp who neither have the influence nor the parental sensitivity to provide a secure and warm family environment to the youth.

I wonder then, is this present reality breeding an army of bullies and victims that would inevitably cross paths in the school, creating a situation that is alarming and constantly escalating?  If so, our schools might have some of the highest prevalence of bullying in the world.  Or is the proverbial ability of the Filipino to adapt and find a measure of normalcy under difficult circumstances limiting the incidence to manageable levels?  If so, I would like to imagine that extended families which include neighbors, ninongs and ninangs, alternative support systems such as parents of friends, and the ability of the Filipinos to utilize communication technology such as Facebook, Facetime and mobile phones to establish a de facto attachment with absentee parents all contribute to providing a child sources of emotional and psychological stability that would temper bullying tendencies or enhancing self-esteem that wards off bullying attempts.


This is my first graduate school paper.  Technical writing is not my forte but I'm working on it.

Serafin the Cat and Makmak the Aspiring Trapo

I don’t intend to blog tonight, except that two recent developments are bugging me. First, Serafin, the black and white cat that adapted our family was found dead, apparently a victim of hit and run.

Second, my bus ride home from Manila was littered by a new eyesore: Makmak Luancing, a political neophyte behaving like an old school trapo, plastering his silly grin all over Lipa while urging unregistered citizens to register NOW!  Well, the bus ride was just the final straw because even my drive and bike rides around Lipa have been disturbed by his mug shot.

Now I’m at a loss how to make a story out of two unrelated developments.

Serafin (a name that I just coined out of nowhere because the cat had none) was an expert rat hunter, and a sly thief of roastingMaliputo.  Nobody knew where he came from.  He just came to be; loitering around our yard until my Nanay began feeding him.

And that was it.  He found a home.

I was not really fond of him, at least not enough to call him my pet, but it still bothers me that a creature that once shared your home is gone, not just gone hiding, or looking for wayward felines out for a noisy lay, but gone – as in no longer breathing.  He must have been hit so badly that all his 9 lives were snuffed out simultaneously.  Which makes me sad even more, knowing how violent his death was.

Before passing away, Serafin has found a mate – probably his soul mate as she came in spots of black over white, like he did.  And he sired a litter, 3 little Serafins.

And I am sadder even more.  Serafin’s squeeze, let’s just call her Aida, is nowhere to be found.  And so are their kittens.  Aida must have moved them away because Serafin has moved on.  I want to move on as well.

Which brings me to Makmak Luancing, who is way ahead of his contemporaries in as far as showing signs of being a trapo is concerned.  I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt that he really wants to serve.  But that benefit is slim, to say the least.

I believe in the power of the youth when they do decide to serve.  After all, the youth to which Makmak belongs is the bastion of idealism.   But I also know a lot of former students who take bold initiatives to make a difference in the lives of others.  And they don’t need to call attention to themselves.  That’s leadership.

Serafin found a way to endear himself – he hunted vermins mercilessly.  And he did so without announcing his kills.  He became valuable that way.

I wonder what makes Makmak valuable?  Hopefully, that should be the foundation of his campaign.

Accidentally Jessica

Sorry, this is the best that my phone camera can do.

Nanay handed me a handwritten note on a yellow stick pad.  It said: Li Garden Sharksfin Seafood Restaurant, Macapagal Ave., near PNB.

She asked if I could drive her there the following day for her 5pm European pilgrimage briefing; the tour sponsored by my bachelor brother and resident Mr. Generous, Kuya Gary.  Though she said it as a request, it was more like an edict.  As the family’s designated “go to” guy I was expected to find the time to do as, well, requested.

So after our afternoon Wall Climbing class, my wife and I picked up Nanay at Robinsons Place Lipa.  The drive was uneventful and we arrived at Li Garden a good 30 minutes ahead of schedule.

The last time I brought Nanay to this kind of briefing was on a rainy night in November of last year for her trip to the Holy Land (told you my brother is generous). Back then the meeting was held at a Korean restaurant somewhere in Ermita.  The rain was heavy that my wife and I decided to wait out the briefing inside the venue.  Luckily, not all those who were supposed to arrive did, leaving a few vacant plates – note, free dinner – available to us.

As a consequence of arriving early at Li Garden, we wouldn’t know if the same thing would happen in at least two hours.  Honestly, I am intrigued if the restaurant would serve sharksfin as its business name boldly suggests.  I suppose World Wildlife Fund, DENR, PETA and other groups concerned with animal conservation should look into this.

Anyway, as soon as Nanay had other early birds for company we decided to leave her there for a quick hop to the Mall of Asia a few minutes away.

Every time we are in Manila we make it a point to eat at restaurants not available in Lipa, this time at Sbarro’s, my wife’s favorite.

After a satisfying slice of deep dish pizza, zitti and eggplant parmigiana washed down by iced tea and lemonade we decided to take a leisurely stroll back to the parking lot.

On the way I heard a powerful voice singing.  I thought it was just an audition for one of those billion talent shows.  It sounded a lot like Jessica Sanchez.  But no one could sound like Jessica Sanchez except for Jessica Sanchez, herself.

As we walked closer to the stage, a widescreen was showing someone who looked like Jessica Sanchez singing.  I thought “Oh well, just a recording of one of Jessica’s performances.”

But it was not.  Under the widescreen was the real Jessica singing “Stuttering” live.  It was surreal.  It was an unexpected blessing.  My wife later confided that she was on the verge of tears because of the accidental encounter.

Jessica sang another song, The Prayer.  She was brilliant.  And supremely talented.  She also looked every bit a Filipina in short shorts and what looked like 10-foot wedges.  Yes, I think she’s a Filipina regardless of what Charice Pempengco’s American manager claims.  I mean if you compare Jessica and Charice, who do you think acts and behaves like a Filipina?

Nanay’s meeting ended around 9.

On the way home, everyone was silent inside the car.  Nanay was sleeping and my wife was still probably reminiscing about the chance encounter with Jessica.  I sure was.

I was doing 90 along the STAR Tollway when I was about to overtake a six-wheeler doing about 60.  This is a routine pass, I go left, the truck stays to the right, and we should just be complete strangers whizzing by each other without actually seeing one another.

But as I was about to pass the slow truck inexplicably veered towards my lane.  I simultaneously hammered the horn and stepped on the brakes so hard that we went from 90 to 0 in one long angry ode to the truck driver’s parentage, specifically his maternal lineage. 

The horn jolted the driver to his senses and he steered the truck back to the proper lane.

Funny that as this was happening, the only thing going inside my head was that the sound effects in movies of cars breaking and wheels screeching sounded eerily similar to the real thing.  So did the videos of car accidents caught on tape.

Then we were engulfed by the smoke and burnt smell of brake pads that were worked up to its limits.  My Nanay, awakened by the sudden stop, calmly and cluelessly asked, “Bakit ka tumigil?”

As I started the car again I can see the truck pulled over to the side, the driver alit and holding his hand high in a gesture of apology.  He looked like someone suddenly awakened from sleep.  I drove on.  It was pointless to confront him.

What a night.  One moment I was humming Stuttering in my head, the next I was muttering inanities.  Oh darn, accidentally Jessica.

Of a giftless birthday and cheap happiness

Yesterday, September 22, was my birthday.  Except for a late lunch date with my wife followed by a quick stop at the grocery, I did not spend any money on this day.  I did not buy anything for myself.  And my wife also did not get me anything.  It was just like any ordinary day.

But I felt like a million because people who care for me did not get me gifts that were paid for in currency.  Rather they spent time and effort for me on my birthday.  That’s the best gift I can receive because it meant that they value me.  They did not leave me with a souvenir that would get bundled with other material things, instead they left me with moments that I can lift anytime from my memory bank should I need a quick pick-me-upper.

That’s priceless.

I appreciate the satisfaction of having the capacity to spend, and I strive hard to achieve that capacity every day.  But I thank God that I grew up not finding happiness in money and what it can buy.  My family’s lack of it as I was growing up had a lot to do with this attitude because I was forced to find alternative sources of happiness.  I found it in my imagination, in the drawings that I scrawled everywhere, in the times I spent freely on my own wandering without regard for time and hunger, in the kids and older people I spent time with, and in little things that God made such as spiders and mushrooms.

But not every day can be my birthday.

It does not make a difference however.  Not a day passes without me getting or experiencing a priceless gift.  So inspite of the problems and challenges that come my way I can say that I am lucky to be happy every day.

Let me share a quick list of what makes me smile and grateful to be alive.  Most of it is free, and if there is any form of expenditure, it’s definitely cheap.

1.        Waking up in the morning.

2.       Sinking my teeth on a perfect sunny side up seasoned with rock salt – yolk golden and oozing, melting on the tongue. Sarap ng breakfast.

3.       Wearing a shirt neatly pressed by my wife who refuses to let me out of the house looking haggard.  This is one chore she does not pass on to househelp.

4.       The sweet smell emanating from my beehives as I inspect them one by one.

5.       A tablespoon of honey I harvested myself.

6.       A random bird that visits our garden; a hummingbird once, a red breasted quail next, and an assortment of colorful ones whose names I don’t even know.

7.       Edible mushrooms after a heavy rain.

8.       Fresh fruits rambutan, durian, suha, satsuma, kalamansi, fresh vegetables and herbs malunggay, kamote tops, sili leaves, papaya, basil, mint – all from the garden.  Still waiting for the mangosteen though.

9.       Fresh tuna sashimi I prepare from a cut I bought from the market. I usually buy one fourth kilo at about 75 pesos.  This would be good for 3 servings.  Sarap.

10.   A kid placing a candy wrapper in his or her pocket: There is hope for the environment.

11.   A driver stopping at an intersection and waving me to join the traffic: Not everyone is in a hurry.

12.   Finding red notifications on FB.

13.   Reading status posted by people I care for.  If the status is about success, milestones or positive events I am happy for them because they are getting what they desire.  If it’s about heartaches, issues and problems, I am happy for them because they are growing.

14.   My 77 year old mother screaming and cheering as she watches basketball on TV: She’s enjoying herself.

15.   Hearing my nanay humming a song I don’t know: She’s happy and contented.

16.   My dog Patch jumping up and down as he welcomes me home.

17.   The tippity-tap sound that Patch’s little feet make as he goes up or down the stairs.

18.   Patch joining me on the sofa as I watch TV.

19.   Waking up in the middle of a cold night to find Patch cozily wedged between me and my wife, under our blanket.

20.   My wedding ring.

21.   My wife’s smile.

22.   Her voice as she speaks.

23.   The touch of her skin on mine.

24.   Her hands clasped with mine as we walk, sit, or lay on the bed.

25.   Hearing my wife snore in the middle of the night; I know she’s having a fitful rest.

Pride, respect and Sotto

Let's be clear.  I do not own this pic.  It's from GMATV.

Senator Tito Sotto should be the final argument why a public official should not be voted into office because of mere popularity.  Lito Lapid would have been the best argument but since it seems that the only time that he opens his mouth is when he lets out a yawn, he cannot claim party to a debate, let alone a discussion.

So Mr. Sotto comes into the RH Bill debate, fresh from treating the recently concluded Chief Justice Corona’s Impeachment Trial as a showcase for his emceeing skills culled from his decades-long experience at Eat Bulaga, and he is making his darndest best to appear and sound erudite.  The appearance part he got down pat.  He is an actor after all.  But the erudition part he failed miserably.  He is an actor after all.

Don’t get me wrong.  There are many intelligent people in show business.  But you know they are intelligent because they stay away from politics.

No one is running away from him from debates as he would like people to believe.  But it is not as if the mere mention of his name would elicit quivers from anyone who could construct an intelligible sentence.  In fact, several non-politicians are calling him out to an issue-based one, which the Senator promptly dismissed and ignored, reasoning out that it would demean the Senate as an institution if he engages in a word tussle with people that were not even elected to any public office.  But it is he who demeans the Senate because he was unfortunately elected into it.

Tito Sotto does not get it.  His passion against the RH Bill is unquestioned, at times he even comes across as sincere, even noble.  But that is beside the point because indeed he does raise some good points.

It is him.  He is the point.  Or the pointless.

Tito Sotto is a different breed, a class all his own.  He opens his mouth and out comes words that are not his.  And when he is called out, he behaves as if he is beyond censure.  Oh the sense of entitlement of this senator.  He even thinks that the word products of other people are his for the taking, or the blurting out.

I write.  And I write.  And I write.  But never have I attempted to pass off somebody’s work as mine.  It’s called pride of one’s intellect and respect for another’s.  Apparently, Sotto owns neither.

And now the latest episode: Sotto does not plagiarize another’s work – Robert Kennedy’s this time – but he translates it into the vernacular. And he laughs and derides people who again, naturally and thankfully, called him out, asserting that there is no plagiarism because he used another language to mean what Kennedy originally said in English.

Sotto is clueless.  Shameless.  Shameful.

And then he would cry that he is being cyber-bullied.  He is not.  He has shown enough obliviousness to prove that he is immune from any and all verbal attacks – be it from cyberspace or from the senate floor.

On the contrary, he is the big bully.  The “big man” who cannot be faulted for lacking originality because according to him, last he checked, plagiarism is not a crime in the Philippines.  Well, it maybe not.  But the way he shows disregard and disrespect for another’s intellectual output is criminal.  And the fact that he is a senator of the land showing the citizens of the Philippines, kids included, that being a copycat is totally acceptable is utterly despicable.  It is not only criminal.  It is heinous.